Depression In Baby Boomers – I’m So Happy I Just Want To Go To Bed
Posted on Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
Depression can hit us at any age, in any stage of our life, in any circumstances – good, bad, or in between.
But aren’t Baby Boomers supposed to be living the good life?
Aren’t we buying vineyards, sailboarding, traveling the world, starting new businesses, writing the great American novel, getting garage bands back together… etc. etc. etc.??
… you know, aren’t we all feeling free and easy?
Aren’t we all yelling from the rooftops; “It’s a great life and it’s all about me now!”
Well, we are doing all that stuff…
… AND we are also depressed.
According to the CDC (Centers For Disease Control) the highest rate of depression occurs in men and women between the ages of 45 and 64, then it drops off again after 65.
So what’s up Boomers? Why do we “swing both ways” – meaning, in this case, between wonderfully energetic, excited about life, and then miserably low and with our covers over our head?
The reason I’m writing this today is to share a serious problem with my readers that many of us don’t talk about and keep pretty well hidden from the outside world. What brought the subject of depression into the light for me was a blog post I read on one of my favorite blogs HappySimple.com. My blogger friend Barb McMahon openly and frankly discussed her bouts with depression.
Yeah, right. A website called HappySimple.com and she’s blogging about depression? Wait a minute. That doesn’t make sense. Or does it?
For many people who deal with depression, life IS happy and simple. Most of the time. Then there are the times that depression takes over.
The reason I know this is because I have battled depression probably most of my life.
I very often feel, act, and appear to be happy. And I’m not trying to kid anyone. I AM happy. I am also depressed.
So, when my friend Barb wrote about her “Irrational Depression” I knew I had to chime in. Please be sure to click on the link here and read a heartfelt, open, and honest post written by a wonderfully upbeat, warm, successful, “Happy Simple” woman:
Occasional Bouts of Irrational Depression – HappySimple.com
This topic, depression in Baby Boomers and other older people, is a confusing one. I shared my thoughts about this on Barb’s blog post and thought you’d like to read it here, too. I appreciate the kindness and understanding that Barb and her readers at HappySimple.com have shown me. If her blog post speaks to you like it did to me, be sure to leave a comment there for her, as well.
Here is the comment I left (in its entirety) even though I may be repeating myself now. I think it’s worth reading, especially if you are confused about what depression really looks like. Here it is:
Are we sisters?
I have been meaning to write a blog for weeks about my on-going struggle with depression. But… I just can’t seem to get out from under my fog of depression to write it. This deserves a “WTF?”… yes?
And the worse thing is, what the hell do I have to be depressed about?!
I am enjoying my freedom – time, financial, health, strength – I LOVE life!
So…
Why do I want to go back to bed two hours after I get up?
Why do I have to force myself to leave the house?
Why do I have to force myself to take a shower?
Why can’t I write a blog post?
I KNOW that exercise helps, but I have to practically drag myself outside to do anything physical. The weird thing is as soon as I start moving (biking, lifting weights, walking) I feel WONDERFUL!
I, too, have gone down the drug route. It doesn’t really work for me.
Here’s the thing that most people don’t know about depression:
No one would ever describe me as a depressed person. I don’t appear depressed. I’m upbeat, optimistic, positive, fun, and love to be around the people I love. I’m NOT PRETENDING to be these things. I just ALSO want to spend the day in bed.
That’s the thing about depression. It doesn’t totally hide the person we are – we hide the depression.
Thanks, Barb, for this personal glimpse into what you’re going through right now. I know that it will change; up down up down up down… and for no apparent reason!
That’s the frustrating truth.
Please know someone out there understands absolutely.
Take care,
Patti
I know there are many of you out there reading this now that struggle with the strange complexity of depression. (Sorry television commercials. Depression can look cheerful, too.) I’ll follow up this blog post in the coming weeks with some helpful information, too. I think the signs of depression (again, sorry television commercials) are extremely debatable and confusing. So, maybe we can share here some things that we feel and think about depression, how we know we are depressed, and how best to get out of bed when we are.
Please stop back again. I love the company here in the blogasphere.
And please do leave a comment here. I appreciate it when you share your thoughts or just say “Hi. I was here.” Thanks again.
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Thanks for this Patti! You’re the best!
You are most welcome, Barb. I sure hope between the two of us that more people understand depression a little better than how the pharma advertisers are ‘selling it.’ YOU are the best! 😉
How candid, Patti. And insightful. I think a lot of us can look much more at ease than we really are … we take care of others … we don’t have time to worry, especially about ourselves!?! What works for me is my new mantra “GRATEFUL” … and as I think about what I am grateful about, the stuff that bugs me takes a back seat. Thanks for bringing up an important subject. Love you so.
Thank YOU OSS! You are a big part of my “GRATEFUL” mantra for sure. 😉 And, yeah, it’s good to keep a back seat full of bugs! Ha!
Seriously though… yes, it is an important subject and one that folks have to discuss honestly. The dang pharma advertisers are not doing the real story justice. Depression doesn’t always appear gloomy or sad… sometimes it’s just what it is… d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d.
I sure appreciate your comment AND YOU! Love you and miss you. But… see you soon!!! 😀
Hi Patti –
Love that you are walking down this road in discussing that mystery of depression.
Barb, thank you for your candid sharing also.
It is really confusing, isn’t it? I feel grateful, blessed, joyful and yet I often look depression right in the face. Learning to live with it and not be scared by it is my challenge.
I’ve realized that depression totally going away is probably not going to happen in this lifetime.
What I have done is develop a veritable cookbook of recipes of strategies for living joyfully along with my depression!
Isn’t the internet an amazing way for us to connect and share as we go along this journey of life together?
Thank you, Suzanne for stopping by and especially for commenting and sharing your personal story.
I absolutely love what you said – “Learning to live with it and not be scared by it is my challenge.”
“… not be scared by it…”
That’s another truth about depression. Talking about it relieves the fear, as well as the stigma, and the symptoms sometimes as well.
And living joyfully ALONG WITH depression IS possible. I need to take a look at your ‘cookbook’ of strategies. And I’d love to share some tips here if I may. Let’s do an interview or something soon, shall we?
Again, thanks for your honest look into this confusing problem. Yes, it is wonderful that we have been able to find support out here in the blogosphere! Talk to you very soon!
Well done for biting the bullet and ‘going for it’ with this blog entry Patti – beautifully written and how lovely that you have complimented it with the link to HappySimple. For what it’s worth I think yours and Barbs’ ideas work really nicely together. I look forward to reading more from you 🙂 xx
Thank you so much! I sure do appreciate your stopping by to read. And yes, Barb’s HappySimple.com blog is inspiring, touching, funny, and all that good stuff. Please stop by often… I love the company here in the blogosphere. 😉
I suffer from depression. This post helps because right now I ask myself why. I know that medication (I hate the word, drugs) didn’t really help because I was depressed at times on the medication. But the depression colors my world when it descends. At times, nearly to blackness. I hope to come out of it. And I usually do. What is now good is I can check in with myself and ask “Am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I depressed?” All good questions. But the depression really hurts. Not sure if I have experienced the happy but depressed.
I’m sorry, NMPatricia. You are so right. The questions are so important. For many years, I didn’t understand the importance of asking those supposedly simple questions – “Am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I depressed?” People who have never experienced depression don’t understand how these ‘evaluations’ are so crucial. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with me here.
When I was in my twenties, I discovered that in the summer, I would hide. I live in Georgia. It is hot and humid in the summer. Understandable.
But when I couldn’t force myself to do anything other than get up, go to work and then drink myself into oblivion, I realized it wasn’t about the heat at all. I didn’t know what my problem was. Just that it had cycles.
Life moved on, I had kids, they got older and my younger had an ‘episode’ in October of his 8th grade year. We have spent the last 2 years learning how to help him cope with his depression and I realized, at 48, that *I* too suffer from depression.
How is it that I didn’t know?
I think because it really didn’t look like what I thought depression was supposed to be. I mean, I still cooked and mostly cleaned. Still held a job. Still did the carpool, football games, family stuff.
But inside. Inside I felt nothing. No joy. No colors. Just flat out blue. Lots of thoughts of death.
And then the world will cycle around and I will feel up and alive and colorful.
What have I learned, finally? To be gentle with myself and others during the low points. Not to overeat. To try and maintain the rhythm of life as best I can. To ramp up the exercise and the outside time even if it is too hot to breathe here in Georgia. There is always a mall in reachable distance to go and walk in the cool.
And always to breathe and know that this time will pass.
I think that is the true lesson I have learned.
And I hope that I am able to help my son learn it before *he* is 48. Thanks for your sharing and for Barb’s original sharing.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Sylvia.
We are definitely on the same page, aren’t we? Depression can be so darn hard to pinpoint, to recognize. You said it… depression just doesn’t look like it’s supposed to sometimes. And, I hear you about the heat being a deterrent. Those bright sunny days we all are supposed to love can really backfire. Staying inside behind closed drapes because it’s too hot to step outside is really not the place to be when one is prone to depression!
I love how you have taken a new approach now that you’ve learned more about what depression “looks like.” Get active, watch your diet, and take time to b.r.e.a.t.h.e. Yes, it’s okay to give yourself a break. And, yes, you are now able to help your son, which may be exactly the incentive you need to help yourself.
Keep up all your good work and stop by from time to time to let us know how you’re doing.
For me, I’ve noticed that depression can literally just re-appear in peoples lives out of nowhere!
I’m only in my 20’s but I have been in and out of depression a good few times and can relate to what you’ve expressed here. I’ve been through LONG periods where I felt I couldn’t face the day AT ALL. I’ve never felt so low in my life.
But then I’ve eased my way out of depression, been a lover of life, then fell back into it.
One of THE BEST lessons I have learnt from depression is that, whenever I feel sad in any way, I KNOW that it’s for a reason. And that when I’m past it, it will have been so worth it for the lessons I learnt from it.
(Click on FSODepression for website link.)
It’s full of relevant information and techniques that I’ve used to overcome depression.
It can feel overwhelming when you suffer from depression again and again and you can’t pinpoint WHY. But it is a relief to know that there are a lot of ways to overcome it. AND a lot of valuable lessons to learn on the way!
I’ve now been out of depression for a long time and I think the trick is to ALWAYS look for more things in your life that give you meaning and things that you absolutely LOVE! Then move onto MORE things that you love. This way you will always have a sense of meaning to your life.
Thank you for this article, I’ve really enjoyed reading it.
Andrew.
Patti,
Do you remember when we used to laugh about opening an all-night accounting service because we both prefer and do our best work during the latter hours of the day? Maybe our circadian rhythms are synchronized differently than the average persons–I don’t know or care really. I know my preference is to sleep until 10 a.m…or so, and do the work I love from noon to 8 p.m. Well, you know, when I actually worked for a living. As much as I’d like to say I arise chipper and cheerful at 5 a.m., it would be a lie, and I’m useless at that hour. However, the world does not run on my preferred schedule. 🙂 Nor, does my soul mate share my peculiarity. When we are on the road, you know who wakes me at 7 a.m. so we can get an early start, arrive at our destination middle of the afternoon so he can take a nap. I cannot nap in the afternoon! So, yes, I force myself out of bed most days. I don’t think I’m depressed. Never, have I ever experienced that “blah feeling” that the energy drink manufacturers advertise. There are many, many things that bring me great pleasure…just not so much in the morning. The long hours of daylight that we enjoyed during an Alaska summer did not disturb my sleep one iota. Most people put blackout shades in their bedroom windows. No matter the number of days I might need to arise at a “normal” hour, given the first opportunity I’ll sleep until 10 and stay up half the night. Over the years, I have decided many different things were to blame: laziness, apathy, depression, illness etc., etc. But, no, it is just me being me!
All that said, I certainly believe that one can suffer from myriad types of depression that significantly affect one’s quality of life and ability to function. We live in a world where being different is unpopular, socially unacceptable… and depressing, but it is not always a mental health diagnoses.
Happily, my oddity is not genetic apparently…both Josh and Adrienne are early risers.
Ok, thanks for letting me prattle on. I LOVE your writing and miss
you!
Well, hello there, Anne-Marie! So glad you stopped by and took the time to comment.
Ah, yes. I certainly believe our biorhythms are built in and can’t be changed. It’s not easy (as you know!) being, what Neale and I call, a “second shift person in a first shift world.” Fortunately, both he and I have been able to find work that fits our natural sleep pattern. Well, I still have to set my alarm to get up at 8 or 9 to get ready for work at 10, but it’s a whole lot better than getting up in the dark at 5 or 6. Ick!
I agree, too, that not everyone who sleeps late or drags around in the morning is depressed. Even when I am at my healthiest (mentally and physically), I sleep late and drag around in the morning. I think the drug companies and advertisers are having a field day with depression. They make it sound like everyone who mopes around once in a while or isn’t outside skipping down the street when the sun comes up is depressed and should be on medication. There is definitely a difference. We can certainly hang around in our ‘jammies all day in perfect bliss. There isn’t always the need for a mental health assessment, contrary to what Pharma and Madison Ave have to say.
In my case, it’s “situational depression” as my therapist called it. So, yeah, once I know what the situation is, I can pretty much rise up and rejoin the world. Although, I’m STILL not going to do it before 10 a.m.!
I was at a conference a while back for work-at-home entrepreneurs, and the dang thing started at 8 a.m.! Well, to me that was just nuts. I suspect at least some of those people there started their work-at-home business so they wouldn’t have to be at work at 8 o’clock in the morning, for heaven’s sake! I mean, really… for “second shift” people like us, it’s either work at home or get a shift work job. When I wandered into the conference at 9 o’clock, I received a few dirty looks. But, since I was paying for the conference, I figured I was entitled to get there whenever I darn well pleased.
😉
And speaking of the social stigma of being a “second shift” person, Neale’s mother used to get mad, actually MAD, about us eating at 9 or 10 at night (after Neale closed the store.) He used to say to her; “When are we supposed to eat?” And she’d reply; “At 6 o’clock like normal people.” To which he’d reply; “But, I’m working then.” To which she’d have no response, except to say; “Well, you shouldn’t eat so late.” {{sigh}}
So, yeah. There’s that. What do you do?
Anyway… thanks for stopping by to read and leave such a nice comment. It really is food for thought, eh?
I miss you, too, and you are always welcome to share your thoughts here.
Until we meet again…
Your faithful friend,
Patti