A Good Man Reduced To Shouting At Clouds – By Olive Oil Mayonnaise?
Posted on Thursday, April 9th, 2009
It has come to my attention that a very fine fellow who shall remain nameless, Tim Crass, has a culinary bone to pick with yours truly. Seems this hale and hearty fellow fell victim to a bit of olive oil mayonnaise recently. Yes, it’s true. Olive oil mayonnaise turned this stalwart soul into a whimpering puddle of humanity.
Upon my recommendation of olive oil mayonnaise (reference my Olive Oil Mayonnaise blog), Mr. Crass decided he would be a man and give it a try. Apparently, it was too much for him. The lighter, more delicate taste didn’t appeal to his, well, lighter, more delicate taste. Seems the whole “less fat, better for you” sales pitch didn’t win his vote. He shrieked and pouted and cursed the clouds with my name, bitterly spewing forth his venomous attack on my person. My very dear daughter, Nicole, was the unfortunate witness to this tirade.
In other words, Mr. Crass didn’t like the olive oil mayonnaise. Okay, go back to the “real” stuff. Sorry.
(Note to self – buy Mr. Crass a jar of the “real” stuff so he can, once again, enjoy sandwiches made with tomatoes picked fresh from his Dad’s garden.)
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First off, I truly appreciate all the compliments. Nobody’s ever called me “hale and hardy,” or “stalwart” or even “venomous” — though I had to google “hale” to make sure that was a complimentary term. Apparently it means: “a manufacturer of fire pumps, portable firefighting pumps, foam products and ventilation equipment (PPV) for emergency services professionals.” Thanks, I think. Someone once called me a “very fine fellow”, and he was probably implying . . . well, you know. I had to punch his nose in.
Anyway, your vile concoction really didn’t make me pout and curse the clouds. Maybe I shrieked some (I do that a lot). My main gripe with the olive oil mayonnaise is that it’s too upscale. This stuff tastes like a fine sipping mayonnaise, while I prefer good ole American chugging mayo. It was as if I’d have to choose between a bottle of Black Butte Porter and a pitcher of Pabst. PBR me ASAP!
I sampled your lighter, more delicate recipe, but I felt like I was spreading Dom Perignon on my boloney & velveeta sandwich. Also, that stuff smells like a black sharpie. And can you do this with your beloved olive oil mayonnaise:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO1k2Y3o-iM
I’d just rather be fat and happy with a belly full of Mayonnegg.
Oh, my dear astute one… I believe you’re onto something here. I’ve been away from my “brats and beer” roots for much too long. Dining on sushi and arugula salad has turned me into a snob. As suggested, I watched the Mayonnegg YouTube clip, gave it a try, and I believe I’ve recovered my culinary palate, that which I share with my countrymen and women. Who was I kidding… that country cookin’ runs deep in my veins. Bring on the fat! Thanks for the reminder and the verbal slap upside the head.
FYI – Webster’s Dictionary (Deluxe Edition) – hale 1. Of sound and vigorous health; robust. 2. Scot. Free from defect or injury.
I trust you are both. Take care and my love to the family!
Oooh, keep those compliments coming, admin. I need to get a bumper sticker that says, “Free from defect or injury.” You’re pretty okay too — but your favorite mayonnaise tastes like black magic markers. May I suggest substituting sauerkraut for Olive Oil Mayo in any dish you cook?
mmmmm….. Tuna-Sauerkraut Sandwiches… I think you’ve got something there. 🙂