Menopause Barbie
Posted on Thursday, March 12th, 2009
Once upon a time there lived a fashion model named Barbara Roberts, but her friends just called her Barbie…
Okay, we have seen Barbie go through some changes, right gals? Who has had more life changing events and careers than Barbie? Barbie freely moved from career to career, so when Ken showed up, I was just a little miffed to think she may be getting herself tied down. We were all relieved when she finally dumped Ken because he never did seem to have a job. He just rode around in Barbie’s cars, taking advantage of Barbie’s good nature. Anyway, that’s another story for another time. Back to Barbie and changes.
Barbie had her hands full, what with all her doctoring, space walking, campaigning, and all the other career moves she made. Then she had kids and she made it look so easy. She did it all so effortlessly, and beautifully. Her Dream House was immaculate, her shoes were never scuffed, and her vehicles were just plain cool. And, what can we say about her figure? And, with her busy life she still managed to maintain her perfect body.
That was then and this is now. As you know, Barbie has hit the big 5-OH. Welcome to the club, little lady! You know what this means, don’t you? That waistline that you’ve prided yourself on for 50 years will soon be a lovely, distant dream. Those perky breasts, deflated; firm, supple thighs, wobbly. That rear-end that’s been admired for generations, Honey, it’s all over. Pack up your wardrobe, buy a drawer full of Spanx, supportive brassieres, and sweat suits, and kiss your perfect little plastic figure good bye!
Oh, yes, and Barbie, aside from the physical challenges of turning 50, I’ll bet you’re wondering what else is coming. It’s the grand going-into-menopause years that you have to look forward to now. How can I describe it for you… oh, yes… it’s like being an adolescent again, only without the figure. Your brain will turn to swiss cheese again, your face will break out, and your periods will be erratic. Your moods will swing from murderous to euphoric and back again all in the matter of seconds. Your hair will lose its luster and your skin will follow suit. You’ll be taking so many vitamins and potions that you’ll never even need to eat again. But, that won’t stop you! Oh, no! The cake, potato chips, and that wonderful wine will still be calling your name. This is your life from now on. Or is it?
Pretty grim, eh? Part of that is exaggerated for fun, but much of it is true. Women in their 50’s face a lot of challenges. It’s true that just as our lives are rolling smoothly along; we’re in careers we enjoy, we’re maybe planning for retirement, and we’re taking trips with people we love again, this strange thing starts to happen. We can’t remember more than one thing at a time. We gain weight when we never had a problem with our weight in the past. We get aches and pains that are left unexplained. We’re foggy headed, moody, and fat. Now, can this be helped? I think so.
If Barbie’s smart she’ll trade all her outfits and fancy cars in for a good pair of walking shoes and a bike. I’ll tell you, the only thing that is keeping me semi-sane is exercise and diet. There are no pills, whether vitamin supplements or prescription drugs, that have been able to lift me up when I’ve been down and out. Sure, we all have our bad days, or weeks, or even months. But, the ultimate goal is to get through them until a better day arrives, and a better day always arrives for me when I’ve been out taking a walk or on a bike ride.
Better days are coming for you, too, Barbie. Get through these next few years by keeping a positive attitude. Laugh at yourself when you have a menopause-moment. Age also brings a bit of wisdom, if only because you’ve been around long enough to know some stuff. Either way, it keeps you out of trouble, unlike when you were young and foolish, (reference Ken). Look forward to your aging and enjoy. After all, it’s the alternative that’s not so great. Happy Birthday, Barbie!
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AMEN! Lord, help us all. ;o)
OMG! Thank you for the laugh. Very creatively written! Looking forward to the next installment.
Thanks Ladies for your wonderful comments! It’s so nice to know that we share that whole Barbie-thing and can laugh about it… a little bit. I’m seriously hoping Mattel comes out with a 50 year old version of Barbie. I’d love to get a look at that plastic jelly-belly roll, saggy neck, and thinning “oops I shouldn’t have tried that shade of color” hair.
I just loved “Menopause Barbie,” who would have ever guessed that Barbie too, would go thru menopause. LOL I have embraced my 50’s and am enjoying life, but it does get a bit on your last nerve when you’re exhausted & you get into bed and you’re wide awake as your brain is saying, “hello” and your body is saying, “I’m tired, go to sleep” and it goes on for an hour or two. Ah, the beauty of menopause.
Thank you, Susan, for your oh-so-accurate description of my every evening’s bedtime ritual. I, too, am embracing my life as I grow older… I just wish I could embrace it during the daylight hours and not so often at 3:00 in the morning. Thanks again all you understanding ladies!
What fun Patti. I have to share that even though I’m “embracing” my 50’s, I’m pissed off at plenty of the things you mention. I think embracing is one of those words we are “supposed” to be using vs. words that actually express my thoughts some days: maintaining, surviving, and simply, bracing for whats’ next.
As you say tho the alternative is not on my list of adventures just yet and for as many physical challenges as occur there are gifts in the categories of freedom, wisdom, and excess. While the first two words are probably obvious, excess might seem a bit odd. These days I make sure I include some excess, in moderation. I choose more wisely and make my splurging really count–and not do too much damage.
Here’s to Barbie, and us, fabulous forever–symptoms be damned–that’s what bikes and wine are for.
Thanks Gregory Anne! hmmm… embracing or bracing… I hear ya.
Seems I spend a lot of time bracing for what’s next these days. But, like you said, that’s what bikes and wine are for! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me. You always give me a good chuckle!
Peggy Campbell recommended your blog…LOVE IT! And oh so true! Keep them coming.
Thank you, Brenda! I’m glad Peggy directed you this way to visit me. 😉 I do so love the company. Thanks for the compliment and I hope you find time to drop by again.
Love Menopause Barbie. In honor of this post, I’m getting down my shiny red Barbie case, letting Barbie choose one of her sportiest outfits (from 1963), and giving her a ride on my bike.
Perfect way to celebrate Menopause Barbie! Sounds like a great way to spend the day, Barbara. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your time with me here in my blog-world. I really appreciate your comment and the time it took out of your day. I’m headed over right now to FriendForTheRide.com to spend a little time in your blog-world. See you there! Thanks again, Barbara. 😉